Incest and Masochism
by Socra
Summary: Draco and Ginny have an unexpected encounter in the library and discover rather ODD things about each other.
1. Oh Ron

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Harry Potter, but thank you.

A/N – Don't be angry, this is just meant to be a silly fluffy one.

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**Chapter One: Oh Ron!**

"Make sure there are no other students left in the library," she said to the young man who looked, frankly, pissed off.

He muttered something along the lines of 'no one in their right minds would stay long in this shit hole' and slunk away, dragging his feet.

His mutterances were proven wrong when he spied a young girl slumped over as she sat at a desk in the Restricted Section. Stupid girl fell asleep in a forbidden area. How dumb was that? As he neared he noticed the girl was kissing her desk in her sleep.

"Oh Ron! Ron!" she murmured as she delicately trailed her tongue along the wood.

She awoke with a start when Draco burst into raucous laughter. Her face and her desk were covered in drool. She turned to see Draco rolling around on the floor, his face mutated with hysteria.

"What in seven hells is wrong with you?" Ginny yelled, standing up and discretely wiping her face clean with her robe sleeve.

"Oh Ron! Ron!" Draco squeaked in a high-pitched voice between fits of giggles.

Ginny's eyes slowly grew wider as realization dawned. Without warning she leapt onto Draco's trembling body and began to pommel him with punches. His face, his arms, his chest, anywhere she could reach. But Draco just kept laughing, even harder, as if delighting in the pain. She closed her eyes and concentrated solely on connecting her fists with his flesh.

After a while she stopped and opened her eyes to find Draco unconscious, a blissful grin across his face. Whether it was the laughter or the beating that finally did him in, she didn't know.

Before she had time to catch her breath she heard distant footsteps approaching. "Draco," the librarian called.

Ginny quickly got up and ran over to her pile of stuff. She grabbed up all of it from off the desk and shoved it up on a high shelf, hoping it wouldn't be noticed there. Then she returned to her chair and felt the floor around it with her hands. One of her hands disappeared as she lifted the invisibility cloak off the ground where it had fallen sometime during her slumber.

She grabbed Draco's feet and hastily dragged him away from the main aisle so that the librarian wouldn't stumble upon him. Curling up next to him, she pulled the big cloak over them both, hoping it covered all of Draco's gangly extremities.

Between beating Draco up and zooming around in a panic, she had no time to catch her breath. She was really that out of shape. Now she was gasping in air like a fish out of water, trying to hush up before the librarian discovered her.

Just as the librarian came into view, Draco half groaned, half chuckled as he began to regain consciousness. Ginny twitched violently and pressed her hand over Draco's mouth, digging her fingernails into his face. This only made him laugh harder.

The librarian looked around frightfully, turned, and ran. Ginny could hear her steps echoing in the distance until she was far away. Cursing colorfully, Ginny ripped the invisibility cloak off them and rolled away from Draco.

"Stupid bloody prat!" Ginny hissed. "You almost got us caught!"

"No Weasley," he drawled, "I almost got _you_ caught. I was here for detention so I had an excuse!" Remarkably, Draco still appeared to be on the verge of laughter.

Ginny ignored him and started to collect her things. Draco watched her feeling so brilliantly amused and he couldn't figure out why.

"As much fun as this was Malfoy, I really-"

"You're in love with your brother!" Draco shouted, remembering.

Ginny achieved the astonishing feat of having all parts of her face twitch separately. "I…" she trailed off.

Draco raised an eyebrow.

"I am not!" she screamed. Her mind was racing in a general state of panic. How would she get out of this one?

"Accept it Weasley! You were making out with the desk! And quite tenderly might I add!"

"I was sleeping!" she retorted.

"And dreaming about what?"

She slammed her books down on the desk. "I DON'T REMEMBER!"

Draco allowed for a dramatic pause and then said, "Well I have a pretty good idea! And to think all this time I thought you were mad for Potter…" He threw his head back and cackled.

Ginny stormed up to him and hit him hard in the gut. When he looked down at her she slapped him across the face. He grinned widely at her, his eyes burning with excitement and something else Ginny couldn't quite put a finger on.

"Let's dance Weasley!" he asked her, lifting her up and spinning around in a circle before setting her down again.

She gaped at him. Clearly she was dealing with a mad man.


	2. My hands on you

A/N- As it is labeled, this IS a Draco/Ginny. Just a very goofy awkward one… if you, er, couldn't tell by the title…

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Chapter Two: My hands on you. 

"Oh come on!" Draco whined.

"You're a loony!" Ginny exclaimed with exasperation.

"If-"

Ginny grabbed his hand and angrily led him to an open area. She knew what he was going to say. He was going to threaten to spill the beans about her non-existent infatuation with her brother. The bloody git didn't know anything!

He clutched her right hand his left hand and put his right hand on her lower back. Ginny warily placed her free hand on his shoulder and shifted uncomfortably as he beamed at her.

In absolute silence Draco began to lead her around in a waltz. "One-two-three, one-two-three," his lips moved though no sound came out. She stumbled about as he dragged her to and fro, not seeming to notice.

After a while he started to hum a waltz, slightly off-key. As he pushed her away from him in a twirl, instead of grabbing his hand to be pulled back in, she promptly fell over.

Draco looked down at the witch who was sucking in air like a vacuum. "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Draco looked offended.

"Can't-" gasp "breath!" Ginny responded, hacking and coughing as she rolled around the floor.

Draco looked skeptical and watched her silently.

A good twenty minutes later, Ginny was breathing normally again. She got up and glared at Draco, crossing her arms over her chest angrily.

"What was that all about?" he demanded, still looking offended.

"I was out of breath!" she shrieked defensively. "I'm out of shape! So sue me!"

"Sue you?" Draco looked even more offended.

Ginny began to gather up her things again. Without warning she came over to him and grabbed his ear, twisting it harshly. "You have the cloak, don't you?"

Draco giggled and sank to the floor. "No… how could I?"

"I can't find it anywhere!" she shook his head violently. He looked so damn pleased that she let go and started to search for the cloak again.

Draco got to his feet and started to sprint out of the library. Ginny immediately started after him, screaming, "GET BACK HERE YOU BLOODY GIT! OH WAIT TIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…!" At that he stopped and she ran full speed into his back, knocking them both over.

Ginny crawled over to him and pinned him to the ground. Oddly enough, it didn't take much effort. She put all her weight on his chest so he began to gasp for air. This was a trick she often used on her brothers. His legs flailed helplessly.

She leaned down real close to his face. "Tell me," she began dangerously, "where the cloak is."

He looked away from her. "Why should I?" he wheezed. "This is hardly torture."

Ginny realized he was looking pleased again and she grabbed his face with both hands, digging her nails into his soft flesh as hard as she could, making him look at her. "The cloak Malfoy."

She thought she was having the upper hand until he pulled her to him in a tight embrace rather easily. "I like you," she heard him whisper. Her head was pressed against his chest now but her hands were still grabbing his face. She relaxed her hold a bit…

"No, don't stop," Draco rasped.

Something was _very_ wrong with this boy.

Ginny took her hands off his face and she heard him sigh. "I have to go Malfoy."

Draco let her go wordlessly, though she sensed he was upset. Ginny got up off him and dug her heel into his neck. "Please give me the cloak."

His eyes fluttered shut in what she would hope was pain. She could hear him breathing hard. Feeling slightly disturbed, she decided to just leave. So she did.

Draco lay there on the floor a while after she'd left. He had to admit it to himself- he was in love.


	3. Feelings

Disclaimer: NO OWNAGE!

A/N- Sorry, I've been busy with Nothing to Say, The Confusing Romance of Draco and Ron, as well as the highly-notsoughtafter Of Slaps and Blood. So... But this fic is my baby so I've been trying not to rush it. Any plot-rushing parts are fully intentional as this is a parody.

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Chapter Three- Feelings 

At breakfast the next day she felt eyes on her so she looked around until she spotted Draco staring at her dreamily. Creepy git. She shuddered.

"What's wrong Ginny?" Ron asked her and then turned back to chat excitedly with Hermione before she could answer. Ginny sighed, Ron never really paid attention to her and she just didn't get what he saw in that know-it-all Granger.

Harry edged closer to her. Ginny edged away from him. Harry edged closer again. Ginny edged away again. This continued until Ginny fell off the end of the bench. Harry looked at her as if she'd gone mad and scooted back over to Ron and Hermione.

Ginny sat on the floor a while until she felt thoroughly inferior and got up again. Instead of sitting back down, she left the Great Hall and her lovely, delicious, sadly unfinished breakfast. It was a beautiful Saturday so like any normal teenage girl, she headed to the library.Once she enteredher once-favorite place, she felt awkward. It was making her recall very bad memories so she left.

She stood outside the library thinking really hard about where she could POSSIBLY go now. She drew up a mental list of places she liked to go in her spare time:

1. Library

She sighed, looked at the library one last time, and began to complacently wander the corridors with no place to go. She felt like a hobo. As she was about to turn down her thousandth corridor of the day she stopped. Someone was singing-

"I'm so happy when you dance with me. I don't want to kiss or hold your hand, if it's funny try and understand: There is really nothing else I'd rather do, cause I'm happy just to dance with you..." The singer burst into laughter. Ginny decided this was not the corridor to go down and started walking back the way she came.

"Ginevra?" someone called behind her. Holy shit...

She slowly turned to see Draco peeking around the corner at her. Holy shit, holy shit. She turned back around and kept walking. _If I ignore him, he will go away_, Ginny thought. This was a tactic that she always used and which never worked. Nevertheless, it remained her personal favorite.

She heard footsteps following her and she broke into a run. Draco ran after her as she sprinted up and down corridor after corrider. After about ten minutes of this Ginny fell to the marble floor in agony. You see, she was really out of shape. Draco collapsed on the floor next to her and turned his head to look at her. "That was painful," he grinned.

Ginny turned her head so she wasn't facing him. She was still ignoring him. He would go away, that was how her tactic worked.

"Ginevra?" he sounded hurt.

Ginny did not answer him.

"Are you still in love with your brother?" he asked sadly.

Ginny rolled over quickly, kicking out at him. She got him in the gut and he let out an 'oof' and then crawled closer to her. He stopped her attempt to escape by pinning her to the floor. He was looking at her hungrily.

"Well?"

"I am NOT in love with my brother Malfoy!" she shouted into his face.

"You don't need to spare my feelings. I can take it..." he looked indignant.

"Feelings?" Ginny was confused since she wasn't the brightest Gryffindor when it came to boys and their feelings, nevermind she has six brothers...

"Last night," Draco fidgeted, "when I told you I liked you... I wasn't joking."

Her eyes widened, she remembered now and pondered the prospects of such a crush. She would be lying if she said Draco wasn't the hottest boy in the school, however... Ginny found she had absolutely no feelings for him. What a waste she was.

After a half hour of Ginny thinking, Draco got slightly bored and tired. After an hour Ginny noticed Draco had fallen asleep on top of her, his face against her neck. He looked like a little baby and she stroked his hair lightly so he wouldn't wake up.

This sweet moment did not last as after another hour, Ginny's backside was hurting from being squished into the hard floor and almost all her limbs had fallen asleep. Draco was drooling on her neck and snooring lightly, more like breathing loudly. Yet, through all this pain and suffering, Ginny could not bring herself to wake him.

* * *

When Ginny did not show up for lunch, Harry made it his personal mission to seek out his true love like the wonderfully chivalrous man he was. Man, boy.. same difference.

He did not have to look for long since she was laying down in the middle of the hallway. She was asleep and looked very peaceful, yet something was definately wrong. Harry circled her a few times to try and figure out what was out of place. Suddenly everything became clear... Draco was laying on top of her! Her being his only true love in the whole wide world, what was he to do? He was now properly full of angst.

Draco awoke when he felt a sharp pain in his side. He opened his eyes and saw Ginny sleeping underneath him, but noted sadly that they were both still fully clothed. Harry Potter's face suddenly appeared in front of Ginny's, "Hello you moron! I just kicked you rather soundly in the ribs!"

Potter. There was no one Draco hated more. He reached up and whacked Harry in the face, "You're blocking the view!" he whispered angrily.

"Get off my girlfriend right now!" Harry order.

Draco felt astab of pain in his chest, "Girlfriend?"

"Don't play deaf Malfoy.." Harry replied icily

"But-"

"Draco..?" Ginny murmured, just beginning to wake up.

Draco looked from Ginny to Harry, terrified. Ginny opened her eyes all the way and smiled blearily up at him. But for some reason he got up and ran away. Ginny sat up quickly, confused and cold since her heater just ran off. Arms wrapped around her from behind. "I'm here now Ginny. It's going to be okay..." Harry assured her.

Ginny tore herself from his arms, slapped him soundly, and ran off as well.

"What did I do?" Harry wailed, clutching his smarting cheek.


	4. Time is on my side

Disclaimer: I don't own anything anyone wants to claim.

A/N- I wasn't going to update this fic so soon until I got a couple really wonderful reviews. The one that had the word "please" repeated numerous times was quite convincing and the other from the author of a really wonderful draco/ginny fic was also a nice push...

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Chapter Four- Time is on my side 

Ginny walked into the Great Hall at dinnertime only to see Harry giving her a seductive look. Well, it wasn't exactly seductive, but Harry apparently thought so. She immediately spun around and walked out again, but not before noticing Harry getting up and running toward her like a madman, arms flailing. She started to run as well. Just as Harry was catching up to her, she ran smack into someone and Harry ran smack into her backside. All three of them fell to the ground. Ginny, having been crushed from both sides, started sobbing with reckless abandon.

Immediately, four arms wrapped around her comfortingly. Draco and Harry froze upon feeling each other's arms. Ginny lay in between them crying as they glared at each other. "Hands off Malfoy!" Potter whinied, (yes, like a horse).

Draco was about to retort when he remembered what Potter had informed him of earlier that day. Ginevra, his dominating love, was already taken. He drooped his head sadly and let go of her. Harry, no longer feeling the competition, let go of her as well. They both sat there watching her weep in pain for a few minutes.

When she was done, she slapped Draco and then Harry soundly across the face and then ran off. Harry looked after her, stunned, while Draco looked extremely pleasured.

* * *

The library. In Ginny's anger and distress, she had run straight to the library. Stealthily, so as not to be noticed, she moved to the far corner of the restricted section. She took five books off of a high shelf and reached her hand past where they once stood. Retrieving her hand, she dragged out a blanket and then a pillow. She carefully replaced the books and crawled under the darkest table to take a nap. Nothing pleased Ginny more than being in the library.

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"Now you always say that you want to be free- but you'll come running back, you'll come running back, you'll come running back to me... Oh, time is on my side, yes it is. Time is on my side, yes it is..." a voice sang in an off-key way. Ginny's eyes fluttered open and she remembered she was sleeping underneath a table in the library. Someone was singing somewhere in the library around her. The voice was familiar... 

She froze. Someone was singing in the _library_? How... DISRESPECTFUL! Ginny listened to the voice some more.

"Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town. And baby, do everything your heart desires. Remember, I'll always be around..." the voice continued, offending her ear.

She froze again, (if she had even unfrozen from the previous freeze), and realized who was singing. Harry Potter. She peeked out from under the desk and saw him perusing a bookshelf. No wait, it was Draco...

She froze for a third time. Draco Malfoy was singing in the library while perusing the bookshelves. This was not good. For the second night in a row he was in the library. No one did that besides Ginny and occasionally Hermione. Not recently even though, not since she started dating Ron...

Ginny fumed. Ron was seeing Hermione, Draco was singing and _perusing_ guiltily in the library, Harry was being smarmy... what else could go wrong in her life? A book plunked down on the desk above her head and someone sat down, shoving their feet into her face. They were familiary feet- Ginny's feet...

She looked up at the seated person. No wait, it was Draco again. Why did he keep popping up all over the place. Should she still be using her tactic on him? Last time he had fallen asleep on her so it had worked pretty well then...

Sighing heavily, she decided that would be the best thing to do. She would ignore Draco Malfoy. Lazily, she reached over to grab a book from her stash to read while she waited for the intruder to leave. When her hands clasped around the book, it promptly bit her. She yelped and yanked her hand back. Angrily, she grabbed the book and threw it roughly out from under the table before it could bite her again.

The book landed on Draco's lap and he started screeching when it started to snap at him hungrily. The screech was easily identifiable- Ron. Ginny's heart surged with emotion. A monster book was attacking Ron and it was all Ginny's fault. She quickly snatched it from Ron's lap and threw it even further away, sacrificing her hands to being bitten many more times.

"Oh Ron! I'm so sorry!" she cried, hugging his legs, since they were really the only part of him underneath the table with her. Ron leaned down off his chair to look under the table. Oh wait, it was Draco after all.

Ginny quickly let go of his legs and scooted away from him. He pushed his chair back, plopped down onto the floor, and crawled under the table towards her. "You do love your brother!" he shouted, pointing a finger accusingly into her face so it almost poked her eye.

She grabbed his finger and twisted it backwards painfully. "I-do not-love-my-brother!" she growled, jaws clenched. He looked into her eyes and bit his lip as she twisted his finger even further back. When his eyes started to roll back in his head, she let go.

He looked at her hands and arms with concern. She had been badly bitten a good many times. He carefully took one of her hands in his and cast healings spells over it with his wand. With the same gentle matter, he healed her other hand and arm. When he was done, he began to kiss her fingers fervently.

Blushing slightly, she pulled away.

He looked into her eyes again, pained. "I-I'm sorry Ginevra, I keep forgetting you're..." he trailed off and gulped nervously.

"I'm what?"

"Dating Potter..." he lamented.

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"I said no!"

"I said yes!"

"NO!"

"YES! YES YOU ARE!"

Ginny pushed him roughly so he hit his head on the desk overhead. "I know who I am dating Malfoy... and it is not Harry!" she spat, poking him in the chest with every word for emphasis.

Draco's expression turned horrified, "You're dating your brother?"

"God dammit Draco! I'm not dating anybody!" Ginny hit him in the stomach this time.

Draco looked terrified now, "Oh Gods Ginevra... YOU'RE MARRIED!"

Ginny slapped him repeatedly in the face until his nose started to bleed. Suddenly he launched himself at her, knocking her flat on her back, and embraced her tightly. Shaken, she just lay there at let him hug her and bleed all over her.

After a few minutes, she realized he had fallen asleep and his bloody nose was still going. Careful not to wake him, she spelled his nose to stop but did not bother to clean up any of the blood. Smeared all over his face like that, it made him look quite attractive.

His head was on her chest and his arms were still around her waist. She felt like a pillow. Nevertheless, she lay down her head, covered them in her blanket, and drifted into a deep slumber...


	5. Me or Harry or Draco

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or places or shite like that. I also do NOT own the lullabye in this chapter. It's called "Spancil Hill" and many different people sing it so there!

A/N- I might have a FEW serious parts in this chapter, but no real angst or anything so quit your panicking.

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Chapter Five- Me or Harry or Draco 

Ginny awoke. Someone was hugging her so tightly she thought she would pass out. She looked down to see Draco had buried his face in her bosom, still asleep. "No mother, no... why mother... no, no, no..." he was whimpering. "No mother, don't leave me. No mom, don't go. No, no, no... please mommy..." a few tears rolled down his face and settled in the fabric of Ginny's shirt.

Her first instinct was to shriek in madness and rip the little urchin off of her. However, she was far too tired and lazy and slow to follow through on that and instead resorted to her second instinct which was to comfort the poor baby. She ran her hands through his disgustingly gelled hair and murmured, "Shhh Draco, it'll be okay... shhhh, shhhh..."

His expression suddenly turned angry. "No father! No, let her go! Let her go!" he was beginning to raise his voice. Ginny gasped- he was raising his voice in the _library_! Her first instinct was to slap him into silence but she was yet again too slow and sleepy. She began to rub his back and hum a lullabye. When he seemed to calm down a bit, she began to sing softly since after all, she _was_ still in the library.

_Last night as I lay dreaming of pleasant days gone by  
My mind being bent on rambling to Ireland I did fly  
I stepped on board a vision and I boarded with a will  
At last I came to anchor at the cross at Spancil Hill  
It being on the twenty-third of June the day before the fair  
All Ireland's sons and daughters in crowds assembled there  
The young the old the brave the bold, their duties to fulfil  
There were pleasant conversations at the foot of Spancil Hill.  
I went to see my neighbors to see what they might say  
The old ones were all dead and gone the young ones turning grey  
I met old Tailor Quigley, he's as bold as ever still  
He used to mend my britches when I lived at Spancil Hill  
I paid a flying visit to me first and only love  
She's as young as any lily and as gentle as a dove  
She threw her arms around me saying 'Johnny I love you still'  
She's Ned the farmer's daughter and the pride of Spancil Hill  
I asked her would she marry me as in the days of yore  
She said 'Johnny, you're only joking, as many's the time before'  
The cock crew in the morning, he crew both loud and shrill  
I awoke in England, many miles from Spancil Hill._

Draco had awoken half-way through her song and listened to her off-key melody. He had been having a bad dream, remembering...

"Oh you're awake," she whispered at him when she noticed him staring off into space with his eyes wide open. His mouth was a little open as well and he was breathing noisily through it.

"No, I'm still asleep. You can keep singing," he said quietly.

There was a long silence and then he felt her caress his face with her hands. "Draco?" she asked warily.

"Yes darling?" he answered, keeping his voice low enough so he could still pretend he was sleeping.

"You're cutting off the blood circulation in most of my body," she murmured.

He didn't move, "No, I'm sleeping..."

"You're talking to me though!" she objected.

"In my sleep!" he said as though she were stupid.

She pushed him off of her, but he kept holding onto her around the waist tightly. As he rolled over, she rolled on top of him limply. "Draco!" she scolded and blushed.

"What?" he asked dreamily.

"I'm on top of you!" she growled, growing redder.

"Isn't that nice..." he responded absentmindedly.

"Draco!" she whined.

"Yes my love?"

"I'm not your love!"

"Then why are you on top of me?" he asked innocently.

"You put me here!"

"Get off then," he suggested with a smirk.

She let out a strangled cry of frustration, "I can't!"

"Oh well."

"Draco!" she hissed.

"Oh I love it when you say my name," he sighed and began to run his hands through her tangled mess of matted long red hair. She wanted to slap his hands away but she could not move any of her limbs until they got some more blood. He starting feeling more of her body.

"Draco!" she cried in panic.

"Hmm?" he was distracted.

"Quit touching me while I can't defend myself!"

"Why?"

"I don't like it!" her voice cracked. Who knows what Draco would do...

"Why not?" he asked lazily.

"Don't act like a bloody child you prat!"

"I'm not!" he winked at her.

Her shoulder suddenly sprang to life and she slapped him across the face with her limp hand. He held her closer to him and sighed lovingly. "I'm glad you don't like Potter, Ginevra..."

"I never said I didn't like Harry," she said.

"Yes you did."

"I did not!"

"Yeah, you did."

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Didn- God dammit!" she flopped her arm about angrily.

"Well, if you don't like me, Potter, or Ron... you must like HERMIONE!" he gasped.

"I'M NOT A LESBIAN DRACO!" Ginny yelled and then nearly fainted when she realized that she, Ginevra Weasley, had just desecrated sacred space.

"I don't believe you!" he whispered.

"I never said I didn't like you either!" she whispered back.

"All this time I thought you were in love with your brother, you were really-" his eyes bulged. "What? You like me?"

"No."

"Then why'd you say that?"

"I was just correcting you," she said tactfully.

"You love me!" he said forcefully.

"I do not!"

He rolled her over so they were both on their sides and kissed her passionately. She leaned into the kiss immediately, one arm flopped around him. Just as his tongue was entering her mouth she heard a very girly shriek. Draco grabbed his wand immediately and spun around to hex whoever was bothering them.

Harry kept shrieking as Ginny looked on in horror. "Draco! Draco do something! We're in the library! Oh Gods Draco, please do something!" she wept. Draco did the only thing he could think of- stuffed Harry's mouth with his hand. Harry's eyes widened and he tried to scream even louder, but Draco's fist in his mouth was making it impossible. Harry bit down as hard as he could and Draco grinned.

Ginny dragged herself over to them with her one functional arm and started to whack Draco's legs as hard as she could. "Stop this right now!" she whispered. Draco tried to retrieve his hand but couldn't. He shook his arm in panic and Harry's head bounced up and down. "Let go Harry, let go now!"

Harry unclenched his jaw and Draco pulled back his slimey hand sorrowfully. Harry then immediately dove in front of Ginny, keeping her behind him protectively. "I'll save you Ginny," he growled, eyeing Draco with absolute hate.

"Save her from what?" Draco whined.

"You were going to rape her!" Harry yelled.

"I was not!" Draco rolled his eyes.

"You were all over her!" Harry retorted.

"She wanted me!"

"No she didn't!"

"If anything, she'd be the one raping me!" Draco shouted.

"She would not!" Harry screamed. "Ginny loves me and only me!"

"Then why was she throwing herself at me?" Draco screamed back.

"That's not how Ginny really throws herself at people and I should know! We've done it already!"

"SHUT UP!" Ginny wailed as loud as she could. "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

Both boys narrowed their eyes and slowly turned to face the incapacitated girl who was lying on her stomach on the floor, pounding one fist into the ground angrily. "Choose Ginny," Harry said evenly.

"Yeah Ginevra... Me or Harry?" Draco pressed.

"Harry or Draco?" Harry asked.

"Harry or I?" Draco asked as well.

"Me or Harry or Draco?" Harry looked deep into Ginny's eyes imploringly.

Ginny looked from one boy to the other and sighed.


	6. The Age Old Question

Disclaimer: Je n'est pas la proprietaire... (excuse my french!)

A/N- I sort of got put off by the reviews of chapter 12 of Nothing to Say... so I've really developed this fic and I have a whole plot laid out! Yay!

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Chapter Six- The Age-Old Question 

Draco put a hand on Ginny's thigh and she slapped it away. "Ginevra," he pleaded in a whisper. Harry put a hand on Ginny's foot and she kicked it away with a squeak, thankful that most of her limbs were beginning to work properly again. She thought silently to herself: Harry or Draco? Ah, the age-old question that haunts many a fic... After a couple of hours of inner debate and turmoil and storms and all that, she decided what she would say. Draco had fallen asleep sitting up and Harry was making his shoelaces perfectly even. She cleared her throat loudly and then glared at Draco when he didn't stir. Harry shook him angrily to wake him. Startled, Draco slapped Harry harshly across the face.

"Ow..." Harry whined, rubbing his elbow.

Draco ignored him and looked at Ginny intently. She waited for Harry to stop mumbling before she began, "As much fun as it would be to date both of you, I know once I pick there is no going back. I mean, it's not like I can try out one of you, dump you, and then go try out the loser." They looked at her blankly. She growled in frustration, "All I'm saying is that this is an important decision and I don't want to screw it up!"

"It can't be _that_ hard Ginny," Harry rolled his eyes.

Ginny slapped him across the face angrily. "Just shut up!" she spat. Draco looked jealous.

"Ow..." Harry whined again, this time rubbing his hip.

"For me to find out who I truly belong with, if either of you, I'm going to have the two of you... um... well, sort of _endure_ a few..." she searched for the right word, "...tests."

"I can beat Potter at anything," Draco stated immediately, unfazed.

"Hey! That's my line!" Harry exclaimed.

"That you can beat Potter at anything?" Draco asked, an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I can beat Potter at anything!" Harry snapped in a dignified way.

"I'm sure you can," Draco said shortly.

"And if it's a sexual contest, I am more than li-"

"Shut up already!" Ginny nearly shouted.

Both boys looked back at her guiltily, shoulders slumped pathetically. Ginny looked them over and then sighed, "Okay then, I'm going to bed. There should be at least one more hour before dawn and I intend to get some sleep."

"What about when you slept with me?" Draco asked with a smirk.

"You did what!" Harry shrieked.

Ginny started to crawl out from under the table. "The first test it the Quidditch game tomorrow," she told them. "Good night." Without another backward glance, she walked away from them and disappeared around a row of bookshelves.

Draco watched her leave, then turned to Harry and asked, "Well are you going to go?"

"Go where?" Harry narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"You are such a bloody half-wit! Ginny just told you to meet her by the lake!" Draco exclaimed incredulously.

"She did not!" Harry shot back.

"She did! As she was leaving... really quietly," Draco assured him. Harry yelped and ran towards the library's back entrance, but not before banging his head harshly on the table as he rushed out from under it.

Draco chuckled and ran to catch up with Ginny, who was not going to the lake at all. Harry really was a half-wit. As he fell in step with her he hissed, "Why is our first test the game? You'll be rooting for _him_... you're on the same bloody team! It's not fair!"

"What makes you think I care who wins?" Ginny asked pointedly, staring straight ahead as she walked.

"Then what do you care about?" Draco asked, completely at a loss.

"I'm not giving you any hints Draco. It has to be a fair competition between you and Harry," Ginny stated flatley.

"What's fair about not knowing what we're being tested on?"

"It's less of a test and more of a... review?" Ginny was having trouble coming with a name for her testing. "Er, like a time for me to speculate on the two of you, compare and such..."

"This is stupid Ginevra."

"You don't have to do any of it."

"You know I will though," he grabbed her hand and added a perfectly cliche line- "I'd do anything for you."

She pulled her hand away and kept walking, chin slightly raised. Draco stood there and watched her continue on, "Fine then Ginevra! You think you can play with guys like this, huh? Well I can play your game... I can beat you at your own game!" he shouted after her, basically spewing whatever nonsense came into his head. She didn't look back.

* * *

Sunday came too soon for Harry Potter. He had fallen asleep by the lake as he waited for Ginny to come and snog him or something. He had been looking forward to a passionate moment and didn't fall asleep until just around dawn. Luckily the game wasn't until after lunch. Phew. 

Getting up from his bed of tree roots and damp grass, he rushed into the Great Hall for some food. It appeared he was just a bit early for lunch, so he gathered what food he wanted, which was a lot, and sat down alone to eat piggishly. Ginny came in early as well, hoping to eat and depart before Harry or Draco showed up. Unfortunately for her, she now had to eat with Harry.

He looked across the table at her. "Why didn't you show last night?" he belched.

"What?" she asked lazily. She too had only just awoken, her hair poofed up on one side and flat against her head on the other.

"Don't say 'what' like that!" Harry snapped, potato flying from his mouth.

Ginny scowled, "I can say what ever I damn well want."

"But why, Ginny? Why? Why didn't you come meet me by the lake?" Harry wailed.

"Why would I?" Ginny tried not to look at Harry's "sea food" demonstration.

"You told me to meet you there!"

"No I didn't. I went right to sleep in my room."

Harry, finally seeing this as one of Malfoy's ploys, spit out his food onto his plate. "That bastard!" he growled under his breath.

"Excuse me?" Ginny asked.

"No no no, nothing..." Harry replied, beginning to eat the food he had just spit out. Mmm, ABC...

Ginny finished her lunch, successfully not looking at Harry. He finished at the same time, burped a while, and then got up to stretch. She got up as well and went to go warm up for the game. Harry stretched for several more minutes, many other students watching him with amusement. After doing a final thigh-stretch routine, he followed after Ginny. No matter what, he was going to win this game _and_ Ginny's heart.


	7. The Toughest Trials

Disclaimer: Not owning yet... okay, not at all. ever.

A/N- I'm going to add an extremely cliche moment to this chapter, yay! WARNING: This chapter contains NUDITY!

* * *

Chapter Seven - The Toughest Trials 

Harry and Draco floated almost side by side on their brooms as they looked for the snitch. They were only ten feet from the ground or so and Draco couldn't tell how they were going to find the snitch from there. It was well known that he always waited for Harry to spot it before he actually bothered to go after it.

Ginny looked down at the two boys after she scored yet another goal. This was her chance. She descended until she was only fifteen feet from the ground, just above them, and then pretended to be looking around. It was so perfect. The bludger came at her and she saw it out of the corner of her eye, but she pretended she hadn't. It hit her in the hip and she cried out in pain, falling off her broom.

Draco and Harry looked up when a shadow blocked out the sun from above. They saw Ginny plummeting towards them.

"AHHH!" They both shrieked, rushing out of the way. Ginny landed face down in the sand with a thud. Immediately Pomfrey was prying her up off the ground, making lame noises of concern. She spat out dirt angrily and stretched her limbs out to make sure she wasn't hurt. Her hip was a bit sore, but that was the extent of the damage...

Harry touched down next to her and hugged her fiercely. "Oh Ginny! Are you okay?" he gasped into her ear.

She shoved him away and glared at him. Draco touched down as well, smirking. He sauntered over to her, grabbed her around the waist, dipped her low, and kissed her passionately. A collective gasp arose from the crowd and then some booing. Then a tense silence. She fell to the ground yet again when Harry bulldozed into Draco's side.

"CHEATER!" he screamed, punching Draco repeatedly. Draco started punching back and the two of them rolled around on the ground for several minutes in a two-person brawl. The professors and students watched with amusement, a physical fight was so rare... Ginny felt something in her hand and she realized that Draco had handed her the snitch as he was kissing her. She started to smile, but then stopped herself. It was bloody well nice enough for him to get the snitch and leave her face down in the dirt! Both of them were there! Both of them could have caught her but neither of them did! They could both go to hell for all she cared!

She kicked some dirt at them as they rolled by her and then stormed off the field. What she need was a good cold shower to make her forget about them! Neither of them would lay a hand on her again if she could help it! Boy was she fuming!

* * *

The cold water hit her full in the face as she sputtered, turning her face away. Wow, it really was cold. It was fine enough to think of a cold shower in the heat of the moment, but it was a different story once you actually had to take one. And for some reason, she felt she had to take one even though it was miserable. Her hip was growing darker by the minute and she scolded herself for being so stupid as to put her well-being on the line for a couple of _boys_. She was disgusted with herself. 

Unfortunately, a girl can never enjoy a cold shower. No, cold showers always mean hell. The locker room door burst open and she heard people run in. "Ginny!" Harry cried, then let out an 'oof' as he ran into a wall. And by 'ran into' I really mean Draco pushed him.

Before she could think to do anything, Draco tore back the shower curtain, picked her up in his arms, and then peered around the corner of the shower stall to see where Harry might be lurking. He didn't seem to notice Ginny hitting him viciously wherever she could reach. "Unhand me! My anatomy is showing!" she screeched. He quickly covered her mouth with his hand and looked seriously into her eyes.

"Shh! Harry is out there..." he mouthed.

Ginny bit down on his hand whle hitting him wildly in the face. He pulled back his hand and Ginny shouted, "HARRY! HARRY!" Harry was on them in a second, tackling Draco to the ground. Ginny fell to the hard shower floor with a smack and groaned with pain. She felt tears sting her eyes as the pain in her hip began to swell to a raging pulse of torture. She grabbed her towel, wrapped it around herself, and ran away from them.

"Gin!" Draco yelled after her, trying to get up. Harry pulled him back down to the floor.

She was sobbing now, each step painful. But she wouldn't let them hear her, so she stuffed her mouth with some socks as she got dressed. Just as she finished, Harry rushed around the corner and nearly knocked her over. His lip and nose were bleeding freely and his glasses were incredibly bent and broken. "I won Ginny!" he proclaimed.

"I don't care!" she screamed, attempting to get past him. He gathered her up in his arms and smiled.

"I knew you wouldn't care if Malfoy beat me in Quidditch. I knew all along that your love for me would survive even the toughest trials.." he said in an inspirational voice. She tore herself out of his arms and looked around the corner to see Draco face-down in a pool of blood.

"What have you done?" Ginny wailed, running over to Draco. She knelt down over his limp body and rolled him over. Looking down at him, she turned very still. Slowly slowly she turned around to glare at Harry over her shoulder. "Get out," she rasped. "Get out! Get out! Get out!" she screamed, throwing her hairbrush at him. He caught the brush and ran from the room, scared.

"This is all my fault!" she wailed, getting the Harry Angst Syndrome herself. Quickly, she got up and fled from the devastated locker room.

* * *

Draco awoke fifteen minutes later in a hospital bed. He easily spotted Pansy sitting on the bed next to him, staring creepily at him. She was humming a tune and it sounded perfect, making him yearn for Ginny's off-tone singing. He wondered how long she had been staring at him and decided he didn't want to know. "Where's Ginny?" he asked in a soft voice. 

Pansy smirked, "Oh don't worry Drakie, I got rid of that whore."

He sat bolt up right and a huge wave of blood flew out of his nose, splattering over Pansy. She leaned forward and kissed him before he could say anything. A loud clattering sound of glass hitting marble made him jump and he parted from Pansy to see Ginny gaping at him, the potion she had been carrying now dashed upon the rushes.

"You again!" Pansy hissed. Draco pushed her off the bed and she yelped as she met the floor.

"I don't think you-"

"Good bye Draco," Ginny cut him off. "Good bye for good!" She turned on her heel and tore out of the room in blind fury.

Harry snuck out of the shadows and grinned at Draco. "Hey thanks," he said enthusiastically before rushing after her.

* * *


	8. Biscuit vs Whips

Disclaimer- I don't own any of what anyone else wants to claim.

A/N- This chapter is definately a little funky. Don't be angry about any Ron/Ginny! Please _try_ to understand the humour. And if you think it's stupid then don't read my fic. And I'm being frank, not rude. Okay, maybe a bit rude... Well, sorry for that. My friend has just been getting some bad flaming on her parody-fic lately and if you read parody fic, let me tell you, you've got to learn to let things slide. Okay? Okay. On with the story. Oh, hold that, why it took me so long to put chapter eight up was that when it was chapter 7, it had 7777 words. How weird is that? I couldn't ruin it, so I left it up for a bit, but no one noticed. Okay, rambling stops now, (in a sense).

* * *

**Chapter Eight** - Biscuit vs. Whips 

_"Green," she said as she looked at herself in the mirror._

_"Green," her reflection answered._

_"Red," she said._

_"Red," it answered._

_"Sky."_

_"Sky."_

_"Pumpkin."_

_"Pumpkin."_

_"I am stupid," she tried._

_"I am stupid," her mirrored self replied._

_"Yes you are."_

_"Yes you are."_

_"No I'm not!"_

_"No I'm not!"_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Shut up!"_

_"Stop copying me!"_

_"Stop copying me!"_

_"I'm not copying you! You're coping me!" she screamed at the mirror._

_"Yeah, I suppose," her reflection shrugged, looking whistful._

_"Hey you stopped!"_

_"Hey you stopped!"_

_"Ugh! I've had it!" she growled with intense exasperation._

_"What have you had?" her other self replied, with a suggestive wriggle of her eyebrows._

_"Oh shut up!"_

_"Oh shut up!"_

_"SOD OFF!" she screamed._

_Ron's face was looking back at her now, in the mirror. "Why?" he asked with a hurt expression on his face._

_"Ron?" she asked, confused as to why her reflection just turned into Ron's image in place of her own._

_"I thought you loved me Ginny!" he whispered, his voice heartbreakingly sad._

_She could only gape at the mirror. "Ron, I-"_

_"I've known all along Ginny," he said, a determined look spreading across his face. "You-me... You and I, we're meant to be. I've always known, but for some reason I fought it. I was scared of the hungry look in your eyes whenever you saw me. I was afraid that you would see the same look in my own eyes. When I'm with Hermione, I pretend it's you! Every single time Ginny, I pretended it was you..."_

_"What do you want with me?" Ginny could barely mutter, though it was fairly obvious what he wanted._

_"You must do something for me Ginny."_

_She tried to look away, but couldn't. "Ron?" she implored shakily._

_"Choose between Draco and Harry," he commanded evenly._

_"But.. why?" she looked at him with confusion and disbelief._

_"I need to know if you truly love me Ginny," he said softly, as if embarrassed. "I can tell you don't know yet for sure. When you are with another boy and think of me, then you will know. Come to me then."_

_"Then what?"_

_"That's when the-" Ron's eyes bulged in shock and his mouth widened so it filled almost the entire mirror. "EVERYTHING GOES IN! EVERYTHING GOES OUT! FISH, BANANAS, OLD PAJAMAS, MUTTON, BEEF, AND TROUT! EVERYTHING-"_

Ginny opened her eyes to darkness. It was all a dream. She was in her room which she shared with three other girls. Safe in her room, safe from... Ginny closed her eyes again, she did not want to think about that. Everyone had strange dreams at some point in their lives. Heck, some people had strange dreams every damn night! Ginny didn't. Ginny was normal. Ginny couldn't control what she dreamed about. Dreams could often be terribly weird... Yes, that was true. Harry had horrific dreams all the time and nobody was angry at him for it. These were all reassuring thoughts. Nevertheless, Ginny did not go back to sleep that night.

* * *

"Shut up." 

"Ginny! Listen to me! I-"

"No listen to me Harry," Ginny spat angrily at the boy. "I said SHUT UP!"

They were sitting across from each other at breakfast. Ron and Hermione looked on at their confrontation with shock. Ginny was being careful not to look at Ron. The idea of 'hungry looks' disturbed her. Harry had rushed in late and had immediately started trying to talk to Ginny. He even gave her back her hairbrush and she still wouldn't let him speak.

She sat up straighter and eyed Harry with contempt. "The testing will still continue, though I would not feel badly to stop it. You boys don't deserve a second chance," she stated in a strained voice.

"I love you Ginny," he gushed.

"That's nice," she replied, lazily picking at her potatoes.

"What's our next test?"

"Meet me in the library this evening at eight twenty-three," she informed him with a sigh,

"What for?" he inquired.

She giggled, remembering a joke about someone threatening someone else to give them 'what for'. She quickly stiffled the happiness and replied in monotone, "Can we go back to the shutting up?"

"I'm sure we _can_," Harry grinned.

Ginny looked at him blankly, wondering what was so amusing.

"The proper question would be 'May we go back to shutting up?'" Hermione said matter-of-factly.

Ginny flung her pumpkin juice into Harry's face and then threw a potato at Hermione. She got up and stormed out of the Hall, fuming.

* * *

At eight twenty-one, Harry rushed into the library with his dress robes on. He spotted Ginny sitting at a corner table and sat down across from her. She didn't smile at him, only looked at him to acknowledge his presence. He beamed at her, "I'm on time. Too bad we can't say the same for Malfoy, eh?" He chuckled hysterically to himself. 

Ginny glared him into silence and they both looked towards the library entrance. Draco, casual and composed, sauntered in and sat down gingerly across from Ginny as well. He smirked. "Exactly eight twenty-three," he informed them, nodding his head up at the precision clock on the wall.

Harry muttured a few harsh words and resigned to eyeing Draco murderously.

Draco ignored him. "So, why are we here?" he asked Ginny, winking at her.

She shuddered in revulsion. "I'm going to say a word and I want you to reply with the first word that comes to mind. It'll help me get inside your mind a bit," she told them in a business-like manner. Both boys looked fairly disturbed. "And while I'm testing one of you," she continued, "the other can go around the library and pick out one book they think I'd enjoy reading. We'll see how wrong you are." She didn't seem quite so enthusiastic and maybe a bit sadistic.

"I'm first then," Harry sniffed. Draco looked mutinous, then got up and strode off into the depths of the library. He was on a mission.

Ginny took out a notebook and looked down at it, then up at Harry. "Shoe," she stated.

"Decapitated," Harry replied quickly.

Ginny wrote that down with a nod. "Good," she murmured.

"Harry Potter," he said.

"No no no, 'good' wasn't the word, I was just saying good."

"Well don't muddle it!" Harry snapped.

Ginny glared, "Wand."

"Sex."

"Muggle," Ginny said.

"Mutilation."

"Hermione."

"Hot," Harry replied with a rueful look.

"Sock."

"Torture," Harry shot back, a dark look in his eyes.

"Ron."

"Biggus Dickus."

"Donkey," Ginny stated.

"Butt."

"Snape."

"Transvestite," Harry smirked.

"Dinner."

"Vomit," Harry said this very seriously.

"Bedroom."

"Clean."

"Music."

"Dungbomb."

"Ginny," Ginny said finally.

"Biscuit," Harry responded.

Ginny gave him a blank smile. "Now go get Draco," she told him. He looked triumphant, grinned at her, and ran off, knocking over his chair in the process.

Draco sat down across from her, gracefully stepping over Harry's fallen chair. "Okay, you tell me the first word that comes to mind when prompted with the following words," Ginny told him, feeling viciously bored.

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Draco muttured, wanting to get on with it.

"Shoe," she said.

"Polish," he replied evenly.

She thought for a second and then said, "Good."

"Harry Potter," he responded.

"Wand."

"Sex," he shot back quickly. Ginny felt uncomfortable with how he was looking at her. It was as if she were a banana, and he was peeling her with his eyes. Except, maybe not such a bad analogy.

"Muggle," she continued.

"Mindy."

"Hermione," Ginny almost didn't want to say this one.

"Hot," Draco said ruefully.

"Sock."

"Telescope."

"Ron," Ginny wasn't feeling too well all of the sudden.

"Incest," he said and Ginny casually slapped him.

"Donkey."

"Lion-tamer," Draco replied with a majestic swish of his wand.

"Snape."

"Transvestite," Draco smirked.

"Dinner."

"Biscotti," he answered with a confused expression.

"Bedroom."

"Handcuffs," he answered dreamily.

"Music."

"Shameful."

"Ginny," she finished.

"Whips," he smirked.

"That's it," she told him, looking up at the clock tiredly. "What book did you get me?"

Draco picked up the book that was resting on his lap and plunked it onto the table in front of her. It was three inches thick easily and bound in rusty-brown leather. Along the spine in glowing silver letters it read, "When Everyone Has Gone Crazy: A Guide To Escaping From People Who Know You Too Well and Are Being Evil Buggers." Ginny raised one eyebrow unsuccessfully and managed to look a touch constipated.

Harry came bounding over to her and plopped down his book as well, whining something about Draco being able to give his book first. His was a very thin book, but very large. It was bound with a dark-yellow leather and scrunchy red letters on it's cover revealed the title to be, "Mouse Poo: A Field Guide to Identifying Animal Excrement." Ginny obtained a blank expression, collected the books and her notes, got up, and walked away.

They trailed after her. Harry got to her side first. "So who won, Ginny?" he asked.

"No one won," she replied.

"Which book was better?"

Draco was now beside her too, looking anxious.

"Honestly, Draco's was better, but I will read them both," she stated.

Harry looked like she just took a meat cleaver and started tickling him with it. Draco was giggling madly. Ginny ignored them and checked out her books. "The next test is Saturday at Hogsmeade," she declared with detached interest as she made her way out of the library.

"Oh yeah, will you go with me?" Harry managed to ask, ignoring the meat cleaver that was in his mind.

"Actually, I was going to ask both of you to be my dates," Ginny informed them.

Draco and Harry started yelling at the same time and Ginny picked up various parts of their rambling like, "Eat my own foot!" and "if pig's fly!" and "meat cleaver!" Unfortunately for them, they eventually had to agree or else Ginny would not love them even more than she already didn't love them.

When they got to the portrait of the fat lady, Harry clambered inside and Ginny followed. After she had gotten in, she turned to face Draco who had cleared his throat a good dozen times in five seconds.

"Ginny," he began, "I know you probably love Potter more than me, but I want you to tell me for sure... Do I even have a chance? I don't like wasting my time you know. There are plently of hot girls who want to date me and if I-"

Ginny slammed the portrait in his face. "Oh my!" she heard Draco and the fat lady cry through the wall at the same time. She turned around to come face to face with Harry.

"Ginny," he began, "I know you probably love Malfoy more than me, but I want you to tell me for sure... Do I even-"

Ginny pushed him aside violently and stormed upstairs to her room. "Prat!" he heard her yell before she slammed her door closed.

"Gee," Harry murmured, "what's got her knickers in a twists?"


	9. A Head that is Hoggish

Disclaimer:

A/N- I'm sorry. So sorry. The 6th book has really screwed with my head. Don't get me started- I will rant. However, I will try to continue forward with dignity and somber dedication. I hope you all still love it even though it IGNORES THE SIXTH BOOK.

* * *

So the day of the Hogsmeade visit arrived with no further ado... 

"Ready? Ready?" Harry asked Ginny. He was standing in front of her as she was reclining casually on the couch.

Ginny looked around, bewildered. "What? Who's there?" she gasped, a frightened expression on her face.

"Right in front of you!" Harry cried in frustration. He'd been trying to make contact with her for ten mintes with no such luck. He was beginning to think she was playing with him. The little tease...

"Draco?" she asked the ceiling.This time Harry knew she was just trying to get his goat. And she succeeded.

"DRACO? MY NAME IS DRACO MALFOY, NOT HARRY POTTER! I MEAN-"

But Ginny did not allow him to correct himself. "That's quite enough, Harry," she snapped coldly as she got to her feet. "Don't you dare yell at me."

"I WASN'T YELLING!" he yelled. "I MEAN- I wasn't yelling!" he restrained his voice with effort. She only glared at him so he whispered, "I wasn't yelling."

Not responding to his pathetic attempts to save the situation, Ginny quickly turned on her heel and marched out of the common room. Harry glumly followed, dragging his feet. When they arrived at the bottom of the stairs outside of the Great Hall, Draco was waiting for them. He looked patient and relaxed- his hands in his pockets and his eyes inspecting the pair with a gentle interest.

Ginny trotted up to Draco and unexpectantly gave him a big hug. Draco hungrily returned the embrace with extreme force. When they pulled apart, Ginny turned to glare at Harry. Draco, however, did not take his eyes off the redhead. Ron, who was uncomfortable with Draco staring at him, hurriedly exited out the front doors. Ginny watched Ron leave with a somber expression.

"Well, let's be off then," Ginny announced. Draco linked his arm with her's and they started for the door. Harry grabbed her other arm and, thankfully, Ginny did not pull away. She must give each boy equal opportunity. As they walked down the road to Hogsmeade, Ginny started to feel uncomfortable. "I don't understand why all those girls keep glaring at me," she said quietly, looking down at her feet.

"Oh, they are naturally attracted to you," Draco explained. "They must be jealous of Potter and me. Or perhaps they feel betrayed that you are not a lesbian."

Ginny couldn't help rolling her eyes. "Yes, I'm sure that's it," she said.

"Or maybe they feel betrayed that you are walking around all chummy with a Slytherin bastard," Harry offered.

"Don't make me come over there," Draco threatened, glaring at Harry over Ginny's head.

"I can make you do more than that!" Harry retorted.

"What the hell does that mean?" Draco cried. Harry fell silent, seemingly at a loss.

When they got to Hogsmeade, Harry eloquently suggested that they go to the Three Broomsticks. "No, no," Draco protested. "No, we should go to the Hog's Head."

Harry laughed in a shrill, rolling tone. "I don't know if you've ever been to Hogsmeade, Malfoy, but we're not allowed into the Hog's Head," he said between chuckles.

Draco just sneered. "I don't know if you've ever had any status, Potter, but I can go into any shop I wish," he shot back airily.

Harry looked indignant while Ginny eyed Draco expectantly. He smirked at her, winked cheesily, and waltzed forward. She glanced around nervously and let him lead her. Harry, not wanting to let go of Ginny, came as well. Draco dramatically flung open the door of the tavern and sauntered in. Everyone in the bar looked over at the door and a long silence hung in the air. A poignant silence. Then the crowd burst into cheers. Draco beamed at them lovingly. Harry nearly fell over and managed to draw his wand while scrambling about to regain his footing. Once he finally stabilized himself, he saw that Draco was moving through the throng of people with Ginny. He was warmly greeting each person and introducing Ginny to them. They all seemed overly pleased to meet her. Maybe they wanted to kill her, maybe this was one of Malfoy's little plots... TO DESTROY HARRY'S WORLD!

Then Harry heard someone shout his name behind him. The voice was familiar- Ron. That bastard. "Hey Ron, how's it going?" Harry asked sweetly. Ginny shot him a disturbed look from across the room. He was apparently talking to an empty rum bottle on the floor. "Have you grown shorter?" Harry inquired when Ron didn't answer. "Or have I just grown taller?" Harry was about 5 feet taller than the bottle.

Ginny grabbed Draco away from an old man he was chatting with and kissed him soundly on the lips. "Thank you for not being an idiot," she said, then turned red as she realized what she had just done. She brushed off his chest as if there were some crumbs on his jacket. He stared down at her.

"Thanks for being a complete idiot," he replied with a smirk. She pursed her lips angrily and huffed off towards the washrooms. When she had shut the door to the girl's room, she scowled at her reflection in the mirror. She was fairly plain looking. Her hair was a dull carroty red and her face was sort of splotchy, still being a teenager and all. Her eyes were just regular, good 'ol blue, with no amazing hues or flecks. Her eyelashes were as fair and light as her hair, not big and dark and sexy at all. Now Draco and Harry... they were both amazingly handsome. Well Draco was a bit gangly to tell the truth, but still hot as hell. They both had broad, manly shoulders and a tall, slim stature. Harry was an untidy sort of sexy, while Draco was a very perfected, cold sort of sexy... if you know what I mean. The point is, why in seven bloody hells did they like her? Was it entirely true that they both saw her as yet another way to compete with each other? If so, why not just pick a hot girl like bloody stupid Hermione or whatnot?

Suddenly the door swung open and a gaggle of girls swept into the room. "...couldn't believe she'd just said that to me! ME! And so I was like-" Pansy halted her chatter to stare at Ginny like she'd just walked into a bathroom and seen a giant gorilla in a tutu at the sink instead of a little red-haired girl.

"What?" Ginny snapped, trying to look irritated and cool. Pansy continued to stare in disgust while the girls around her exchanged eye-rolls. "I said what!" Ginny snapped again

Pansy smiled sweetly. "Oh nothing, I just never thought I'd live to see the day a Weasley would wash up..." she said. All the girls laughed shrilly. Ginny chuckled and advanced on Pansy. In three long strides she was on her - a fist in the mouth. Pansy made a chocking noise and fell over. The rest of the girls shrieked and Ginny strode haughtily past them and out of the room.

"That'll teach you to mess with a Malfoy," she said over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner. A few seconds later she reappeared in the doorway. "I mean a Weasley," she corrected and then scuttled back out of view. When she reentered the bar area Harry was chatting amiably with Draco. She walked quietly up behind them.

"So you get what I'm saying, right?" Harry was saying to Draco. "She's basically my girl, right? Right?"

Draco hung his head. "Well," he started, "based on the evidence you've supplied, I guess I can't refuse it any longer." He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "She's your's."

"Yessss!" Harry hissed, throwing his hands into the air and doing a little dance of joy. "Thank you! Thank you! I'll love you forever!"

"Okay, so... am I invited to your birthday party now?" Draco asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, I guess so..." Harry replied.

"Yessss!" Draco yelped, doing a similar dance to Harry's earlier one.

"Hello boys," Ginny said, crossing her arms.

Both boys spun around to look at her. "Ginny darling!" Harry greeted, reaching out to embrace her.

Ginny swatted his arms away and slapped Draco across the face. "I can't believe you three!" she yelled as she ran out of the bar.

"I can't believe you two!" Draco shouted at Harry, rubbing his face where she had struck him.

"What did we do?" Harry asked defensively.

Just then Pansy strutted back into the room clutching her lips mournfully. Not looking where she was going, she tripped on a low stool and fell on her face. Draco and Harry laughed.


	10. Ginny Fakes Her Death

Disclaimer: No own.

A/N- It's been a long time. This chapter is pure ridiculousness. Don't worry, better ones are on their way. I just needed a little jumpstart of insanity.

* * *

Ginny was out by the lake ranting about what a complete tart she was when Harry came up behind her.

"-such an idiot! They are the most ridiculous boys in all of Hogwarts and OF COURSE I have to play a little game because of a FUCKING DREAM I had! I can't believe myself!! ARGGGGH!!!" Ginny yelled into the air.

"What kind of dream?" Harry asked.

Ginny whipped around so fast that she fell down into a conveniently-placed accumulation of mud. "AAAAAAAAARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, hitting the ground over and over again for emphasis. Harry edged away. Ginny rolled around in the mud, covered her face with her hands, and began shrieking continuously like a banshee. Harry turned around and ran.

After a couple hours of that, Ginny grew tired and fell asleep.

* * *

"Well, well, well..." a voice said. Ginny blearily opened her eyes. "What do we have here?" She found herself lying in a bed of mud with the water of the lake lapping up next to her. Her eyes scanned the area around her for the owner of the voice. Suddenly someone leaned into her line of vision. "Looking for me?" Draco asked. He had ink smudges all over his face.

Ginny slowly sat up, having to pry herself from the dried mud. "What do you want, Malfoy?" she asked, looking fairly uninterested.

"I would like some cake," he said. When she didn't respond, he shouted, "SOME CAKE, WOMAN!"

"I am not a woman!" Ginny sobbed. Draco looked aghast and vomited every so gently onto the ground. Ginny stood up. "SO NOW WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?" she cried, smearing mud all over her face as she tried to wipe the tears off her face.

"Does this mean you aren't a lesbian?" Draco asked timidly. ".. because... you're... A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ginny grabbed his ears, shoved him to the ground, kicked him in the balls, and spit on him. "I'M NOT A MAN! I'M NOT A LESBIAN! AND I DO NOT LOVE MY BROTHER!!" she screeched.

"Ginny!" Ron cried from behind the nearest rock. "How could you say that!?" He tore off towards Hogwarts, weeping as he went.

"Ron!" Ginny called after him. She started to pursue him, but tripped on Draco and was launched into the lake. "AGH! AGH!!" she screamed. "The montrous beast is going to devour me!" She slipped under the waves and then came back up again. "Help... me...!" she cried, before slipping under the water for the last time.

"GIIIIIIIIINNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Draco yelled in anguish, arms outstretched towards the sky. "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!" He then got to his feet and chased after Ron.

* * *

"Choose, Hermione," Harry was saying. "Choose- Harry, Draco, or me!"

Hermione looked concerned and tried to leave. Draco blocked her way. "Yeah, Hermione, choose!" he persisted. "Me or Draco?"

Hermione hugged her books anxiously. "I'm sorry, boys, but I don't have the faintest interest in either of you," she told them.

"Does this mean you're a lesbian?" Draco asked, looking hurt.

"No..." Hermione said, though looking a little guilty.

"OH MY GOD!" Harry cried. "You're in love with my sister!"

"I..." Hermione seemed at a loss for words. "No... I.. well... ARGH!!!!!!" She pushed the two looming boys aside and fled from the room.

They were about to chase after her when someone blocked their path. Whatever it was, it was covered in mud and plants and dripping wet. "Who are you?" Harry asked, grabbing his wand.

"Ugh," Draco belched, "do that somewhere private, Potter."

Harry took his hand back out of his pants and blushed.

"So, you thought you could be rid of me that easily, did you?" the creature gargled. It put a hand to its face and wiped off the mud to reveal... GINNY WEASLEY!

"Ron!" Harry cried, rushing forward to embrace Ron. "I had thought we'd lost you!"

"How could you?" cried Ron from behind the blackboard. "I'm your best friend!" He ran sobbing from the room.

"Unfortunately for you," Ginny said, extricating herself from Harry's embrace, "I LIVE!"

A crowd of students ran by the classroom and someone yelled, "Granger and Weasley are making out!!!!!!"

Draco put his hand to his mouth in shock. "I knew it!" he yelled. "I knew Hermione never cared for me! All along she was in love with Ginny! WHY WOULD SHE LIE!! OH WHY?????"

"I feel so..." Harry started, his hand gripping his heart like he'd been shot... "used..."

"Oh come on, Potter, like you ne-"

"SHUT UP!!!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!" Ginny screeched. "I HAVE RISEN FROM THE DEAD TO HAVE MY REVENGE UPON THOSE WHO HAVE TORMENTED ME!!!!"

Harry looked shocked. "Use your inside voice!" he yelled.

"Yeah, really," Draco agreed. "You nearly blew out my eardrum."

Harry turned to Draco and grinned sheepishly. "Do you want to go watch?" he asked, wringing his hands.

Draco shrugged. "Who can resist girl-on-girl action?" he stated. He and Harry linked arms and left the room, skipping around Ginny.

Ginny took out her wand and waved it at herself. All the mud and grime disappeared and revealed a perfectly healthy looking young lady. "That SO did not go according to plan!" she huffed. "That didn't even contain any sensible plot! I'm going to lose my readers!"

Snape, who had been watching all of this from his desk, sneered at Ginny. "Poor disturbed, girl.." he lamented.

"NO!" Ginny protested. "The Weasleys are the poor ones! Even I know that! And you should know by now that HARRY is the distured one! I'm a Weasley, I'm not disturbed, I'm just poor!" Snape blushed and hid behind his desk. Ginny huffed and raced out of the room.

* * *

Ginny sat down to eat at the Gryffindor table. Ron, Harry, and Hermione edged away from her as if she had cooties. Ginny acted like she didn't care and began buttering a biscuit. Someone plopped down next to her just as took her first bite. It was Draco Malfoy.

"Hey," he greeted. "How are you?"

"Um ine," she said, mouth full of biscuit. She glared, hating to be interrupted when eating.

"How am I?" he asked. "Well, thanks for asking. I'm feeling a little down today. You see, my fiancee drowned yesterday. Do you know her? She had long red hair, beautiful green eyes, and legs like you wouldn't believe." Ginny just chewed, staring at him murderously. "I would have died for her, but I'm afraid of deep water... so, I just watched..." he murmered. "Oh my God! It's all my fault!"

Ginny swallowed the bite of biscuit and said, "Draco-"

Draco put up a hand to stop her. "Please, don't try to console me with kind words," he said. "I deserve this misery!" He reached into his robes and pulled out a photograph of Ginny smiling brightly. "Now..." he sighed, "now... this is all I have left of her."

Ginny took it, put it next to her face, and smiled. Draco looked from the picture to Ginny and then back again. Realization dawned. "Ginny!" he cried, launching himself at her. They fell off the bench together. Ginny hit her head against the ground and blacked out.

Harry rushed over. "Malfoy!" he yelled. "Get your hands off my girlfriend!"

Draco looked shocked. "What? She... no, it's not possible... Ginny is..." he muttered.

"Yes, my GIRLFRIEND," Harry affirmed. Draco got up, held his head high, and left the Hall on the last shred of dignity he had left. Harry did a little dance. Hermione and Ron high-fived each other in the face. Ginny maintained her unconsciousness with jaw-dropping eloquence.


End file.
